you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
