I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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