i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
