pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
