Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
