dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
