Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
