Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
