ADVERTISEMENT

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram

  Fav 11 866 2860

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

  Fav 209 20497 1475

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.

  Fav 7 3504 828

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them

  Fav 2 4924 996

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

  Fav 11 4235 714

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

  Fav 26 6803 1887

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

  Fav 15 5559 1807

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?

  Fav 2 1685 735

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.

  Fav 1 1261 593

  share tweet
  

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.

  Fav 4 1066 537

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.

  Fav 11 1020 567

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer

  Fav 1 664 519

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

  Fav 1 66 11

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.

  Fav 0 34 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition

  Fav 0 35 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize