This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
