I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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