Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
