My sheets look like a crime scene.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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