Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
