You just made me feel so damn special
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh god it's open bar.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
