So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
