he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
