So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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