I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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