I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
