I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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