If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
