The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
