Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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