I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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