someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
