Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
zippers are such a cool invention
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
