I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
