I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Semen is not good for contacts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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