It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
