I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
