I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
