Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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