Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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