i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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