in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
