OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
