I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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