You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
