at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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