worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
