How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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