You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
