I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
