I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
