my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
