I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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