I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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