i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
