it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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