Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
