She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
