The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
