used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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