You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
