This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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