Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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