just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you never un-have a 4some
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
