I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
