My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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