1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
