my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
