If that was your dad, he is hot
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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