My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
