how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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