Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
