i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
