You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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