Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
