i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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