Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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