I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
