I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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