PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just had sex bonerless
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
