you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
