dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
