I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am naked and annoyed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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